Andy and I have been wrestling with yet another parenting issue. We have just had snip its of conversations in the past few days, hopefully we can get somewhere with it soon. Basically the topic is: how do we cultivate spiritual beauty in our girls and not physical vanity?
None of this is very formulated in my mind so here goes some scattered questions/thoughts.
We don't want to create a vain environment, but say "the most important thing is that you are beautiful on the inside." Basically we don't want to send contradicting messages...
So how is this done practically?
Do we take Leyla out of ballet (even though it is a Christian studio with a emphasis on character, modesty, and melodious music)?
Do we not buy them cute" clothes (this may sound funny, I'm just thinking here)?
Do we not compliment there outward appearance ("Chloe I love you curly hair, it looks so pretty")?
These things may not be bad, but are they promoting the best? Are they sending the wrong message?
Then there's my example...I love to make my home pretty, I
like to dress a certain way and I do spend time on my physical appearance. Frankly the thought of not, is scary to me...Am I setting a bad example?
I know we are raising girls here...who have a natural tendancy to carry around purses, want to put on make up, and dress up like a princess. How do we point that which comes naturally to be a positive and not a negative?
I don't think we should go extreme and put NO effort towards beautifying ourselves or things around us. I think the Lord wants us to enjoy physical beauty, whether it's a person, the blue skies, mountains, flowers, etc. This enjoyment causes us to give God glory for his creativity and splendor.
Maybe I'll post a part 2 on this after some more thought...So, how do we find the balance in godly femininity and vanity? How do we promote this to our little girls? How do we guard them against the extreme physical obsession in our society?
12 comments:
jenica, i love this! i have been thinking on this too, as now we will be raising two girls. i know lots of friends who i think are beautiful because they love the lord. they are beautiful physically too, but that is not what comes to mind first. their quiet, gentle spirit of love, humility of love of GOd is. this is what i want for my girls and i struggle with how to present this even with ella only 3 and the other in the womb. i think the most important thing we can give them is ourselves as a role model and our husbands with what they find attractive about us and sharing it with the children. does that make sense? i am still working on it too.
I don't know, but when you figure it all out let me know because we are started down that road now-it is kinda intimidating. great thoughts.
I don't have all the answers, but I do think it's important for girls to know they are pretty...especially in daddy's eyes. Talking about being beautiful on the inside comes into our conversations fairly often. There must be a balance! God created our beautiful little girls! We can be pretty and stress cleanliness and hygiene without forgetting to promote those characteristics of the heart the God so highly values. Just thinking out loud! :)
'like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion...'
This is something I think about all the time with Rebekah too... it is a big responsibility. The first thing I think of with the pictures of your girls is how you talk with them about it! You can talk with your daughter about ballet and how the Lord gives us talents that he wants us to do the best that we can and bring Him glory through it! She can learn discipline through it, work hard, be a testimony, and let the Lord use her beautiful dancing :)
And for the other - as you tell her how pretty her hair looks, reminder her of the glory God gave her (I Cor. 11) and how He made her that way and what God sees as beautiful. I know it's a concept they pick up on more as they grow, but as you naturally talk about these things with them, they will pick up on them and eventually talk about it too. Not that we ALWAYS have to qualify saying 'you look pretty' with 'and God made you that way'. But daily teaching them what it means to see the beauty that God created - in us and our talents, and in others around us!
Wow, thank you this is all very good! Especially since I know you gals and your example I consider highly. =)
After I wrote this I was worried that it maybe sounded bad. Like "my girls are so pretty and we just don't know what to do about it!" Hopefully it didn't come across that way - it's hard to convey your thoughts via blogging and I'm always 2nd guessing how ppl. might take what I write. Anyways, enough with that.
what about balancing time spent on outward beauty with time spent on inward beauty? For example: part of the morning routine may be brush your hair/teeth get dressed and family devotions. Part of the evening routine may be bathing and prayers. Think about pointing out to your girls that these are things we do because we love God and he wants us to be beautiful on the inside too. Talk about spiritual beauty while you are playing dress up, emphasize dilligence and obedience while practicing dance, help thelm be cognizant that thier activities should promote inner beauty and good attitudes.
On a practical note, when I was a pre-teen/teen, my mom enforced time limits on things like hair-primping and make-up. Her reasoning was that if you can't make yourself presentable in 15 minutes (or so), you were spending too much of God's time on yourself. We also had 4 kids who had to share 1 bathroom!
Also, look at the dollar amounts that we spend on clothing, jewelry, and make-up - especially those items that are non-essential. You might consider teaching your girls when they are old enough to want to buy these things for themselves to set aside an amount of money that they spend on their outward adornment for spiritual endeavors.
I'm dying to know where on earthg you found a ballet studio that emphasizes modesty and internal character traits? One of my biggest frustrations with figure skating is the young ladies I skate with who wear skimpy costumes and sexualize themselves and their skating by suggestive choreography and music. Modest skating dresses are almost nonexistent in catalogs and online. If they have longer skirts, the tops are sheer or bare. If the front top is covered, the back is wide open so that it's obvious the young lady is wearing no underwear. If the cleavage isn't showing, the skirt is sheer or the leotard bottom is extra-high-cut. What do you do if you don't have time to sew or can't sew?
You girls are doing such a good job! It is a blessing to read how
the Lord is leading you with your little ones, and your desire to follow Him! I don't know if this is something that is helpful to you
but perhaps it could be something to think about. There used to be a
commercial for denture glue and the
last line said, "Fixodent and forget it!" From a very young age our daughter was very aware of
her likes and dislikes concerning
clothing, shoes etc. When she hit
teen we talked often about what was a good balance of awareness of ones own self and beauty and the inner beauty that does not perish. I took the old fixodent commercial's idea and modified it to this idea. Make sure that you are clean, modest, and attractive in your clothing and hairstyle. A minimum amount of make-up to enhance natural beauty without looking "made up" would be
acceptable. And then just go about
your business. In other words "Fix
it and forget it!" Don't be preening in front of every mirror that you come to.
Concern for others is the inner beauty to replace preoccupation with self.
A grateful spirit is the inner beauty to replace a prideful heart
of entitlement.
And a quiet, trusting heart is the
inner beauty that replaces fear of
what people think of me.
I know it is not an easy world to raise godly children. I salute you!
(and pray for you)
Blessings,
Margaret
Jenica, Thanks for sharing! What an awesome responsibility each mother has in raising their children in a way that teaches them to honor the Lord. I don't have any words of wisdom but know that I pray for each of you mothers often and I have confidence that as you seek the Lord, He will give you wisdom in guiding your girls in how to care for their character and inner beauty.
All good word... not much to add.
I do think that its important that girls do realize that God did create them with beauty. Its a good part of Gods creation and we can Praise Him for it. As long as, like with anything else, we don't idolize it and make it a god. Sarah must have been a very beautiful woman outwardly because she gained the attention of kings. Yet is not commended for her appearance but for her faith. There is nothing wrong with looking nice on the outside. In fact my husband likes it:) But he likes it even more when my spirit is gentle and kind towards him.
I guess I had more to add then I realized:)
P.S. You are tagged! Check out my blog for details!
Love them kids...just don't forget the love....how is it that my Abba loves me? Extravagantly! In doing so, I desire to please Him...this blog touched my heart deeply because taken too far, the opposite effect can take place...it becomes then hard,especially at the age I am at, to truly believe you ARE beautiful to the one who bestows His love freely in all things...rules apart from relationship equals rebellion...I have lived that life too long....they will see your hearts and know by your actions that they are the most beautiful things in the sight of their parents...keep up the good work and I will try not to leave any more advice!!!
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